TMI

Ugh! One of the first things people will see about me is I am a little to open and honest. I say whats on my mind and whats in my soul.. Censors do not exsist in my world. Coming to grips with this is hard at times, people tend to think I am really retarded or just plain stupid. I'm not either or so I 'd like to think. I guess I just want people to feel comfortable, their isn't much I haven't experienced or seen. I try to be non-judgmental because a saint I am not.. So at times I tend to share to much.. I am guessing this blog is one of those times..
Many mistakes I have made and with many more to come... One of the things more recently (the last decade) I have tried to overcome are fear.. I am one of those that have always been afraid of everything. Anybody seen the movie Lemony Snickets A Series Of Unfortunate Events? Well I am pretty sure the Meryl Streep character was created after me. I should so collect royalties!
As a child I learned everything late.. A true late bloomer I was.. Didn't learn to swim til I was 8.. I Didn't learn to ride a bike till I was 9 no roller coasters till I was 16..Heck I think I was even a late talker! And last but not least I didn't drive till I WAS 29... WHEW.. exhausting.. Where did such an inability to feel comfortable in my own skin come from.. ? I am aware and boy oh boy do I try to overcome.. It's not that I am a closed off person quite the opposite.. A feeling to climb and strive the highest peaks is always in my sights.. However have you ever been frozen right where you stand..? So often I am overcome with that feeling.... The everyday stuff that most take for granted takes me a little extra.. I often wonder what could one accomplish if one was completely uninhibited by fear? Don't we all have this little battle somewhere in our lives? Be honest with yourself.. Where do you find it and how do you overcome?
Life is so not ment to be easy, each of our journeys are different. Each of our purposes and lessons that we are here to learn are our own.. Do you know yours? Can you say them out loud?? They aren't easy, They take time, we know them when we find them. We wade through them like a thick cold swamp hopefully to come out the other end a better person more soulful and aware.. An education that doesn't come from a school not one you can pay for with cash and books but one that come from tears and sweat and bad decisions ..
To become unfrozen and aware of ones potential to embrace it... I still am figuring it out each day I feel the answer is right there.. Like I am ready to take the plunge yet I stop frozen again. Standing on the edge of a cliff looking into the deep blue water poised to dive. Is the water clear or will I bash my head against unseen boulders ? I freeze, missing out on the experience of gliding through the air weightless, cutting through the blue water clean and smooth exhilerated and most of all enlightened. Maybe tomorrow...For the chance never does truly pass.. That is one of the great things in life. Opportunities to learn and stretch our minds and souls are always available. Given again and again.
TMI.. I suppose To Much Info!! For those that read this which not anybody does..whew! Thank goodness! I am still Figuring things out don't judge, just remember we all have our little bumps or mountains as different as they may be we hopefully learn and grow and become whole people.. Don't get me wrong I am a happy person.. So much I have been blessed with however their is this little perfectionist in me that expects more, Not from those around me but from me.. And I don't think that is such a bad thing..I AM only 31 and to think that I was where I was suppose to be spiritaully at this age would be egotistical.. I have a long life ahead, A long journey, a long test.. To have all the answers now? I don't think so.