Really?

So I try not to read the news much. It's disappointing to often. At one time I was even quite interested in politics... Until like everything else reality rears it's ugly head. I try not to be bothered by what's going on in our country. Everyone feels so differently, everyone feels they are right. Capitalism reigns almighty. It couldn't be wrong after all we're Americans . At what point does patriotism just turn into arrogance? When does pride in ones country turn into a personality disorder?
A nation once built on forward thinking and tolerance... maybe we have had to much to long, spoiled and without compassion. We've been given so much from our forefathers. I'm sure they would be disappointed. As all parents tend to be when they learn they have forgotten to teach their children what is most important.. compassion, kindness and a bit of empathy..

Where is this blog leading ?

Recent news reports of a push to give urine analysis tests to those who receive welfare.. I guess we are to assume if you are poor you must be on drugs. I have listened to more than one person applaud such a measure. I'm shocked, not so much by the measure but the reasoning. There will always be politicians that profit by passing such laws and always with each law passing a bit of our rights will pass by the wayside too..

Putting aside the constitution, setting aside that very important document that this country was built on.. People forget one thing. That is not all there is.
Hold on now, don't argue just yet. Lets take the politics out of it. Take your anger that you have pent up for paying high taxes from money earned from your under paying jobs, money earned by educations you have still not been able to pay off. Set aside your anger for over paying on a home that you bought that was over priced to begin with. Set aside the anger for Banks, CEOS and politicians...Now that that is set a side lets free our minds from all that has bent them.

Now lets think.....We are reasonable people. Lets get to the root of this issue.Than let us decide if peeing in a cup will address that issue or just give you that instant gratification of saying F*** You!
Drugs are without a doubt a problem... Poverty is without a doubt a problem... but where do they start..
I have a theory of how they can meld together , stick with me I'm not much of a story teller so here it goes.
Lets say little Tommy is born on the wrong side of the tracks. His Mama drinks and smokes heavily while pregnant, she drinks because her daddy use to take her places no daddy should... of course had he not been hit in the head with a shell in Iraq and seen things no boy of 18 should ever see maybe his story would have been different, so hers could have been different too... but it wasn't.. so I digress.
Tommy is born with fetal alcohol syndrome and asthma.. Mom dies drunk driving when he's 3 years old. Tommy goes to live with gramma. Gramma is on a fixed income. She can't afford the services Tommy needs. Tommy goes to public school he receives help from underpayed and overworked staff. The same staff whos benefits have just been cut along with their prep time...The same staff who's positive, hopeful, idealistic ideas of teaching got sucked out of them as soon as they finished up with those first rounds of state testing.. as soon as they found out they weren't their to teach or help guide but to babysit.
Tommy is hungry, after all he's a growing boy. Gramma goes to the food pantry and does her best to make sure he's fed.. Lots of speghetti is served at his house it's cheap and doesn't require much meat.Any vegetables served are canned. There is no room for a garden at the apartment they live in..
Soon Tommy is in High school. He can't play the sports his friends play. His asthma is untreated.. the Qvar inhaler he needs is just to expensive. Gramma can't drive in the car to the away games..and so many of the games are away. It doesn't matter he hasn't the money for them anyways.
Tommy struggles in school, his grades are a mess his brain not able to hold all the information pouring through his eyes and ears each day.. He's angry, he's developed a chip on his shoulder. He's depressed, the air he breathes feels so heavy. All that shines for others appears in shades of gray to Tommy.
Gramma's not doing well.Tommy falls in with the wrong crowd, he falls into drugs, alcohol and all those other things we hope and pray our kids never fall into..
He's lost...
Gone....

Tommys gramma dies...

Tommy mentally disabled, alone and unable to hold a real job due to fetal alcohol syndrome is addicted to drugs. He falls into the system repeatedly arrested for small crimes.. no chance of employment.. petty crimes repeat...He's in the system now.. Jail, probation, welfare. Is it enough?

So heres the question....Who failed Tommy?

What about depression, physical disabilities, mental disabilities, bad education, no education and just plain bad luck. You certainly don't need to be on drugs to be poor. Circumstance can be brought on so quickly. Employed one day and not the next. So what are the real roots of poverty and drug abuse? Are we not just reaping what we sow? This is the result of Capitalism... Those who can afford will afford....The poor, sick and helpless stripped away of rights easily afforded to those who can buy private doctors, private schools and private lawyers..
This is a problem we created. Forcing those that have fallen victim to a broken system that we designed is irresponsible. If we don't want poverty we must address it at the beginning..In the womb, by the care we provide.. Starting in our hospitals, our schools, our kitchens and our communities... It takes a village.. A plastic cup and a lab coat are not the answer. WE ARE!

A note to me

So I've started my new job and love it. I get to work with a child who has autism. Amazingly wonderful to view the world thru this childs eyes on a daily basis.. Amazingly people I work with tell me how good I am at this.. I always say it's because I'm a mom.. but I know it's more than that. Sam has made me a better person.

Thursday Sam had a hard day at school.. So hard that when I spoke to his teacher at the end of the day his teacher asked if he was autistic... Oh My Sweet Sam. Oh this question came as no surprise. every year their is some issue in the class. And we have had him tested more than once with different results every time... Sensory integration disorder...diagnosed in Kindergarten. ADHD diagnosed in 2nd grade which I believe is just a catch all phrase for we have no freaking idea what is going on. Finally 2 years ago tested for autism yup he has some of the traits but not enough to qualify for help.. So he's on his own.
He's an amazing kid misunderstood as we all are at times. And without the ability to censor himself when he's in the moment. The other day he told me he gets so tired at school. I asked him why? He responded that it's hard talking to people and smiling all day. I know we all feel that way but for Sam it's a little extra.
His teacher is requeting that he gets together with the school Psychologist.. Nothing new been there, done that. Luckily I like the lady.
I guess what I am saying is thatin some way life brings you thru different challenges for a reason. I know I am GOOD at my job. I'm good at it because my son has trained me for the last 10 years to be completely in tune at all times. He has trained me not to take things personal when he has a breakdown. He has trained me that we all don't feel or see the world in the same way. And that many of us are so in tune that it can literally hurt!
I guess you could say he is to smart for his own good. Having many of the traits he can manage except when hes tired or confused.. He can for the most part pull himself together. I worry he is so hard on himself. When he can't handle something,he breaks and than beats himself up for it.

I knew Thursday was a bad one for him even before speaking to his teacher. I work in the same school and while I was in a classroom I looked out the window and saw the music class outside giggling and laughing and having fun blowing on their mouthpeices for their new instruments.. I also saw Sam outside of the group hiding to the side plugging his ears as tightly as possible. What was fun for the other kids was just torcher to him. He was literally in pain!

Summer

Hmmm. So finally I managed to drag myself out of bed by 6am... Having been on a Summer schedule sleeping til 9 has been the norm.. I do appreciate the quiet of early morning.. The children tucked snug in their beds..fresh coffee and the cool crispness of a fresh day.
Summer has been wonderful so far.. It's funny every Spring I fret about how to keep the kids busy during their off time.. Turns out we are much more active then I thought.. Baseball, Swim Lessons, camping, friends, Visits to grandparents and of course work..
I know I've said it before, but I feel like I need to say it again.. We are so blessed! I know I'm biased but our little family is just awesome! The kids are at such wonderful ages.. I know, I say that every year.. They are so much fun, and so interesting to talk to, and so smart I think we learn more from them then they learn from us...
Last weekend we went to Family Camp.. Saw lots of old Friends and made lots of new ones.. was a lot of fun.. we didn't have Sam and Katie with us.. Seemed odd being at Family Camp with out our family.. Brad and I had a great time but we sure missed our babies.. They would of had so much fun.. And it would have been so much more fun for us..
It's funny how when your with your babies all you want is a break, and when they are gone all you want is for them to be back home.. Wonder what it'll be like to have them all grown up one day and moved out... I think I'm getting empty nest syndrome just thinking of it...ugh!
hmmm... well anyways. Looking forward to school starting...I love Fall. The smell of wood stove smoke, the autumn leaves floating thru the air and of course Halloween...Won't be long now I can already feel a difference in the air.
Time for more coffee....

Writing

I think I've slipped a way from myself...just ever so slightly... Don't we all from time to time?
I write to clear my mind, to clear my head,to clear the air.. Yet for some reason I haven't touched a pencil or typed a key in a while... Maybe my heads already clear... Maybe I'm running on empty..maybe I don't have much to say..
So here I am fingers fluttering about the keyboard waiting for a thought to come, to linger, to stay a while... Nope not a thing...Maybe tomorrow, maybe not..

Family update

Just thought I woulld put together a blog letting everyone who may be interested in what s new with our family..
Anyone who has kids knows the older they get the faster life goes.. They keep us busy Which is a good thing..
Brad is doing well at work.. Loves the crew he works with and enjoys the great schedule now that its Summer he's off work between 2pm and 2:30.. Can't beat that!
Katie is playing T-ball and doing wonderfully.. Yesterday she was pitcher and even caught the ball in mid air.. I was impressed! She is also getting attitude.. So independent... However I have found a quick fix... Instead of grounding her I have her scrub the toilet.... How fun!
Sam is doing well.. Starting baseball any day I guess Brad is going to help coach which is funny cause he knows NOTHING about baseball. However with Brad anything he does he ends up doing great.. He's a hidden perfectionist. Sam is reading like crazy Almost done of The Twilight series... Just a few chapters left in the last book.. Reads almost to much when ever I see him at school his nose is in a book.. I always thought he would be a lousy reader and be great in Math turns out the opposite is true.. Swim lessons start up at the end of June looking forward to that the kids have so much fun..
We were thinking of heading to the Grand Canyon this year.. But we will see. Seems like an awfully long time to be in the car.. The odors that come from the back seat after the kids have been there for awhile is pretty crazy..lol
I'm doing great and am keeping busy. Working at the school daily.. Little housekeeping on the side and may have a Summer job lined up working for Food for Lane County in there Summer food program.... We will see if there is time for it.. Finding the balance between work and family can be challenging however I am so much happier doing something I enjoy for me.. Ya selfish I know.. Working with the kids at school is always entertaining and no 2 days are ever alike.. Keeps me on my toes...
hmmm what else... Dog is well, Bird is still annoying, Fish is still swimming and the cat still won't die.... ERGGG.. I think she is gonna live forever... YA I don't care for cats.
Anyways thats the latest from the Littlefield house..

Forgiveness I wrote this quite a while back but more recently some things have taken place and the subject comes up again

Here is a subject I have been thinking about much lately. Forgiveness sounds so simple . LIke you say it and it is just done.. However thats not the case. It’s an exercise. The phrase "to forgive and forget"
It’s all wrong. No one ever really forgets maybe it should be "to forgive and let go". That makes much more sense to me.
In Everyones life we have things happen, wrong doings to ourselves or to those we love around us. These things can sometimes haunt us. I speak from personal experience on this one. Personally I have had somethings happen or been a part of that I have not learned to let go of. That I still chew on like a bitter root. This does me no good just weighs on me. And sadly those involved have no idea and no care in the world, they lose no sleep..So now I have a choice to make. If I choose to hang on and be mad angry sad I am the ONLY ONE affected. Crazy isn’t it! So I am going to forgive. Understanding that there isn’t always an answer or an explanation.
I am LEARNING to Forgive. At first I thought NO WAY! Forgive screw that! But then I realize that forgiving doesn’t mean condoning. It doesn’t mean that what happened was okay. Just the act of forgiveness alone means there was some wrongdoing. This is an exercise of the heart and will and spirit Everyday it’s easier some days a little tougher but it’s about the concious decision to say I forgive not condone I understand there are things I am not suppose to understand and I can except that. You forgive for yourself allowing your own spirit to release the hauntings that hound it.
This is pretty hard to wrap my brain around but I guess that when you leave it up to the guy upstairs...
here is wikipedias definition Forgiveness is the mental and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution[1].
Something to think about don’t you think?

tick tock

Time.... all so fun to stretch your mind about..

Again working with kids you realize the concept of time is sensed differently depending on where one is standing....A child can take a task such as tying ones shoes and stretch it out for much longer that that which is necessary. However are they really taking that long at all? They perceive time differently.. Remember when Summer use to last forever? Now it just zips away....Racing faster and faster each year.
Anyone who has ever been in any kind of accident can vow that time plays tricks.. I still remember an accident like it was yesterday that took place when I was about 17.. Flying through the air, through the trees.. It seemed to be an eternity so many things passed through my mind but the reality to any onlooker was that is was just a matter of seconds.. Time..it all depends where your standing..